so after realizing i was not going to qualify for a scholarship i had no idea what i was going to do. i think it never really set in fully what had happened. i had been dating a girl from high school for awhile and remember wanting to stay around town to be close to her. you know the high school puppy love stage.
i did enroll at Northlake College and was going to play ball and maybe get a transfer after a year, but that did not work. i went to one off season practice at the beginning of the year and never went back. there were old white guys who could barely dribble the basketball trying to play and i remember leaving the practice thinking i will never come back to this gym.
let me explain the most important and relevant reason i decided to quit. the actual school work. i had been going to classes for a few weeks and new in my gut i was not going to be able to make the grades, and good enough to transfer.
remember in part one when i said i did nothing in high school as far as school work? well it caught up to me in a big way. i did not have the basic skills and knowledge that it took for college. looking back i know i was not stupid, but i just lacked the skills. so any teachers who pass kids so they can play are only hurting them WORSE in the long run. i am very passionate about that topic. i am not blaming my teachers and i know the responsibility was mine, but being a teenage punk i could have used a good ass whoopin.
i ended up not playing ball again. i never finished the first semester of college and starting working. looking back i had no direction and had no idea what i was doing. my girl friend from high school was a year younger than me and graduated early so we could be together. we got enganged shortly after that and ended up getting an apartment together. i remember being miserable and so mean to her. i really feel bad for the girl looking back on it because i was a jerk. i had no idea how to treat a women.
funny thing is my wife has a similar background in that she also lived with her high school boyfriend from highs school at his parents house. it is really cool how the good Lord worked out our path to meet and how our past are very similar in many ways.
the girl eventually had enough of me and we broke up and went our separate ways. i had a bunch of dead end jobs and was killing myself inside for the way my life had gone. more than anything NOT playing ball. i didn't touch a basketball for the longest time. years. i can not describe in words how i felt about myself and my decisions to goof off in high school thinking it was just one big party, or something you just had to get thru.
every decision you make, even at a young age, effects your future. i had no idea how important high school was and how important grades were. if you read the depression-bi polar post it will explain in more detail why i had a hard time in school, but its not an excuse. i can remember getting a 17 on my history final at the end of my senior year. i still have no idea why my teacher gave me a 70 for the semester so i could graduate. wow....
looking back if i had been able to get a scholarship there is NO way i would have made the grades at a 4yr school. i had no discipline and probably would not have ever made it to class. lol.
so around 2001-02 i was driving a lemo for one of my brothers best friend who had his own company and 2 lemos. this was the worst time in my life. most of my jobs driving were people my brothers friend knew, so they were younger and . knew how to party like i had never seen. i always got to attend the parties or do whatever the group did. i was doing drugs and drinking most of the time, and yes driving a lemo at the same time. i was super depressed and just a misereable person.
the last job i drove was life changing for me. make a long story short i started packing due to the nature of the night life and how most jobs went. lots of stupid drunks out there. anyway i was sitting in the lemo alone and looked at the 357 and had some not so good thoughts go thru my mind. it scared me beyond words can describe. i had enough. He finally broke my knees. I was so tired of doing things on my own and shouldering so much weight. i never drove the lemo again.
my brother took me to Fellowship Church in Grapevine the next Sunday and I rededicated my life to my Savior.
funny thing i just NOW have gotten over not playing ball in college and letting it go.
final installment to come soon..........
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Monday, January 5, 2009
Saturday, December 27, 2008
forgiving myself part 1
Sports have been a part of my life since I can remember. From the first hoops memory playing in church in the RA’s (royal ambassador) basketball league in elementary school all the way thru high school, sports pretty much dominated my life.
If I had a dollar for every time I hit a baseball or took a jump shot practicing I would no longer have to work for a living. My dad always had us practicing. It’s just what we did.
Unfortunately all that I had accomplished through high school came to an abrupt end. I have never been able to forgive myself for that. I will do my best to explain what that means.
Over the years I got to play Brazil, Japan, and many other cool countries in the select baseball world series. I also got to play hoops with some of the best players in the country while playing in some of the most prestigious tournaments.
It has been an on going battle since I graduated high school. Everything I worked on and all the hard hours of practicing were so that one day I could get an athletic scholarship to college. My parents didn’t have the ability to pay for college and getting an athletic scholarship was the only way to go.
While growing up sports were first, and sports were second. Unfortunately for me school work was never a priority or pushed by my parents. My freshman year I went to Eastern Hills High in funky town, East Ft. Worth, smack dab in the hood. When I was recruited to play hoops at Coppell High it was like jumping from high school to college academically. I was SOOO lost and behind. Not to mention the huge demographic change of being one of two white guys (brother #2) in the entire hoops program at Eastern Hills to only 5 blacks in the entire school at Coppell. I also struggled mightily with the female population since there were very few white girls at Eastern Hills.
I can’t tell you how many times my teachers passed me so I could play ball. It got to where I knew the teachers would pass me so I just floated thru classes. I was an office aid my senior year and I would write my own absent notes from my parents so I could skip anytime I wanted. I had the system down pat. I ended up missing over 25 classes and had to make them up in the summer just to graduate.
I had a rough time playing hoops at Coppell. My first year there I flunked Algebra 2 and couldn’t play until the second report card came out. My junior year I broke a bone in my right foot and had to have a screw inserted so I could play that season. I probably missed half the games we played my sophomore and junior year. I was still able to do my thing and get all the top awards from district and the region. I was always either offensive player of the year or MVP of the region. I was getting letters from USC, UT, Vanderbilt, and several D-1 schools. Considering your sophomore and junior year are when you are recruited the most I was very lucky and blessed. I am sure my mom has a box in the attic with all my letters and recruiting stuff. To this point it has been too painful to get them out and look at them. I used to hang certain ones on my wall so I would continue to work out and get better. It’s just too bad I didn’t take that work ethic in the classroom.
My senior season came to end in the playoffs and it was time to figure out what I was going to do and where I might go to school. I signed a letter of intent to play hoops and was well on my way to going to college. One thing I had to do was take the SAT. I had been putting it off because at that time I didn’t realize how important it was. I mean my senior year was almost halfway over and I hadn’t taken the SAT once. I hadn’t even taken a practice test or studied for it. Needless to say, I bombed it and scored so low I didn’t qualify to get an athletic scholarship. To be continued…….
If I had a dollar for every time I hit a baseball or took a jump shot practicing I would no longer have to work for a living. My dad always had us practicing. It’s just what we did.
Unfortunately all that I had accomplished through high school came to an abrupt end. I have never been able to forgive myself for that. I will do my best to explain what that means.
Over the years I got to play Brazil, Japan, and many other cool countries in the select baseball world series. I also got to play hoops with some of the best players in the country while playing in some of the most prestigious tournaments.
It has been an on going battle since I graduated high school. Everything I worked on and all the hard hours of practicing were so that one day I could get an athletic scholarship to college. My parents didn’t have the ability to pay for college and getting an athletic scholarship was the only way to go.
While growing up sports were first, and sports were second. Unfortunately for me school work was never a priority or pushed by my parents. My freshman year I went to Eastern Hills High in funky town, East Ft. Worth, smack dab in the hood. When I was recruited to play hoops at Coppell High it was like jumping from high school to college academically. I was SOOO lost and behind. Not to mention the huge demographic change of being one of two white guys (brother #2) in the entire hoops program at Eastern Hills to only 5 blacks in the entire school at Coppell. I also struggled mightily with the female population since there were very few white girls at Eastern Hills.
I can’t tell you how many times my teachers passed me so I could play ball. It got to where I knew the teachers would pass me so I just floated thru classes. I was an office aid my senior year and I would write my own absent notes from my parents so I could skip anytime I wanted. I had the system down pat. I ended up missing over 25 classes and had to make them up in the summer just to graduate.
I had a rough time playing hoops at Coppell. My first year there I flunked Algebra 2 and couldn’t play until the second report card came out. My junior year I broke a bone in my right foot and had to have a screw inserted so I could play that season. I probably missed half the games we played my sophomore and junior year. I was still able to do my thing and get all the top awards from district and the region. I was always either offensive player of the year or MVP of the region. I was getting letters from USC, UT, Vanderbilt, and several D-1 schools. Considering your sophomore and junior year are when you are recruited the most I was very lucky and blessed. I am sure my mom has a box in the attic with all my letters and recruiting stuff. To this point it has been too painful to get them out and look at them. I used to hang certain ones on my wall so I would continue to work out and get better. It’s just too bad I didn’t take that work ethic in the classroom.
My senior season came to end in the playoffs and it was time to figure out what I was going to do and where I might go to school. I signed a letter of intent to play hoops and was well on my way to going to college. One thing I had to do was take the SAT. I had been putting it off because at that time I didn’t realize how important it was. I mean my senior year was almost halfway over and I hadn’t taken the SAT once. I hadn’t even taken a practice test or studied for it. Needless to say, I bombed it and scored so low I didn’t qualify to get an athletic scholarship. To be continued…….
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